Monday, 26 August 2013

What's It Like To Rival Baha Men... Icona Pop?


They have been suppressed by advert royalties, impressed by electro house, and depressed by the un-rest I DONT CARE, I LOVE IT has caused planet Earth. This should be titled 'What's it like to rival Toni Basil', but not many guys would know who Toni Basil is, why do I know who Toni Basic is? Well "Hey Mickey" is basically the 80s chart version of Icona Pop's "I Love It". Basil sings: "Oh mickey you so fine, you so fine you blow my mind," with shouting layered vocals turned down to create this fuzz-like distorted vocal. That's essentially what Caroline Hjelt and Aino Jawo have done with "I Love It". They took the annoying bitch-friendly hit of the 80s and made it into the bitch-friendly hit of the 10s. So we're now on a mission to find the most annoying songs that have taken over the charts and the world. This is a top 10 list, because we love doing lists, who doesn't?




10. Spice Girls - Wannabe 



Key Lyrics: "Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want, So tell me what you want, what you really really want, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want, So tell me what you want, what you really really want, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha." 

It goes without saying that Spice Girls killed britpop. They didn’t just wipe the floor clean of Oasis, Blur, Pulp, and so on... It changed the face of British music. Pop song-writing had returned to its 50s / 60s past, where a songwriter does all the hard work of writing a hit. Spice Girls debut single "Wannabe" was the first in a line of awful pop songs, but not just the Spice Girls discography, it single headedly created Sugababes, Girls Aloud, The Saturdays.. Yep, JLS, and One Direction too. History tells otherwise, as there are numerous examples of boy 'bands', girl groups, and such. But none of them had the British influence that Spice Girls have on today's popular pop. "Wannabe" was number one in many countries and subsequently used in the media extensively.




9. Baauer - Harlem Shake



Key Lyrics: "And do the Harlem Shake."

Popular culture will be the death of me. Watching hours of Harlem Shake videos on YouTube can kill time like no other. The truth - Harlem Shake became an instant meme. It's cheese for the internet establishment. Fads can run for months, even years. Thankfully the Harlem Shake fad lasted just a couple of months, but the memories will live. It even charted across the world, which is worrying. Baauer can't stop this craze... He has to sit back and watch YouTube videos of people using his creation for their own benefit. In a few years’ time, Baauer will look back and realise how annoying the "Harlem Shake" is - even if it's just the opening 30 seconds.




8. Lady Gaga - Bad Romance


 
Key Lyrics: "Rah, rah, ah, ah, ah, Roma, roma, ma, Gaga, ooh, la, la."

Want your bad romance. Lady Gaga was bound to make it on this list. In 2008, Gaga took over the world. She was bigger than Obama. "Bad Romance" being her most annoying track, with lyrics such as the above, there’s no wonder her little minions have started moving away and becoming One Directionists. Hit producer RedOne was in charge of "Bad Romance", and he certainly made it a world topper. It makes me want to topple myself just by listening to it. The nonsense, the stupid message that inspires whores all over the world - kill it with fire.



7. The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name



Key Lyrics: "They call me hell, they call me Stacey, they call me her, they call me Jane, that's not my name."

Strangely enough, The Ting Tings were a rather successful indie pop / rock band in 2008.I have no idea how they managed to surface, but the duo of Jules De Martino and Katie White (That's her name), released a number one album that year with We Started Nothing. "That's Not My Name" is frustrating in every way imaginable. White sings repetitious lyrics that mean absolute nothing. The message is ridiculous and the instrumental behind it is one that’s instantly forgettable. The beat, appalling, the manc accent.. Terrible. Plaguing adverts for a few years, "That's Not My Name" is a definite inclusion on this list.




6.  Katy Perry - Firework



Key Lyrics: "You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine Just own the night like the 4th of July."

Katy Perry has one of the weakest voices in current pop music. Even Rebecca Black has a stronger voice and more interesting persona than Perry. Whenever I hear a Perry song on an advert, or on the radio, I can't help but shudder. The recycled pop beat is too average, song-writing, a pathetic attempt at love songs. "Firework" is her worst yet and with the voice blasting chorus, "Baby you're a firework," Perry upsets the ears.



5. Take That - Shine



Key lyrics: "So come on, see the light on your face. Let it shine, just let it shine, Let it shine."

Gary Barlow was performing to 30, 40 people around Derbyshire before Take That re-united (without Robbie). For some reason, Take That became the sound of Morrison’s. "Shine" sounds like a homosexual Liam Gallagher singing "Cigarettes & Alcohol". It's by far the most annoying song of 2007. Barlow is now a talent judge on XFactor, he also can't sit properly for some unknown reason.




4. Psy - Gangnam Style



Key Lyrics: "Oppa is gangnam style..." 

Need I say anything? I don't think so...



3. Baha Men - Who Let The Dogs Out



Key lyrics: "Who let the dogs out? woof, woof, woof, woof."

One of history’s greatest questions: Who let the dogs out? Well, I don't think that was ever answered. Baha Men really raised the roof with this hit in 2000. It was never a number one single, which is remarkable given its sales figures. People from everywhere cite this song as the worst, most annoying, and head invasive songs ever. It's ranked third on this list thanks to two extremely annoying songs... If it wasn't for them, the worst song-writing, football chant, pop icon song would definitely be locked away in room 101.



2. Toni Basil - Mickey



Key lyrics: "Oh Mickey, you're so fine You're so fine you blow my mind Hey Mickey, hey Mickey."

Primary school's biggest hit, other than anything Spice Girls produced. This raw bubble gum pop song spurred Aqua to start singing about "Barbie Girl". In 1981, "Mickey" was released by Toni Basil and was picked up by blonde cheerleaders and so forth. It annoyed everyone, as girls across western schools started singing the refrain above. If you're a 90s kid and haven’t heard young primary school girls singing "Mickey", then you're lucky, very lucky.




1. Icona Pop - I Love It



Key lyrics: "You're on a different road, I'm in the Milky Way You. Want me down on earth, but I am up in space. You're so damn hard to please, we gotta kill this switch. You're from the 70's, but I'm a 90s bitch.

Fed up with trailers playing tween rebel-with-a-cause advert music? No? Then Icona Pop are sure to set your TV and YouTube evenings on fire. Words cannot describe the amount of times I've heard the lyrics: "I don't care, I love it," in the past few months. It's made me vow never to watch The Heat. There's not one greater example of an annoying song that has taken over the media like "I Love It". I'm crowning it the most annoying song of all time... Take a listen, or turn the TV channel.
~Eddie

Worst of the rest: Aqua - Barbie Girl / Anything from BeyoncĂ©’s discography / U2 - Vertigo / Anything from Cliff Richard's discography / Kansas / Glee covers / Disney songs / Miley Cyrus - We Can't Stop for VJ.

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